Welcome to my Blog!

I discovered I have a congenital heart condition at the beginning of 2010. This blog is so that I can share my journey through all the tests, and ultimately open heart surgery. Because I am a Registered Nurse, I feel I can give a unique perspective, from both a professional and personal point of view.

Read the blogs from the oldest to the newest (July 10 ones first)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

2 weeks till I join the zipper club!

I'm just focused on keeping healthy at the moment, because if I have an infection my surgery will be canceled. That's pretty hard when I work in a hospital, but I'm scrubbing my hands a lot more and taking zinc-vitamin C- echinacea-garlic tablets daily. I'm keeping a positive outlook and walking every day. What more can I do? All year I've been minimizing my stress levels, knowing what effect it has on my heart.

I used to exercise really hard - I was training for a triathlon in November '09 when I became really fatigued. I thought it was because I was training 5 times a week, and that I was just tired, but it never really went away. Since I stopped all the hard workouts at the beginning of the year, I feel much more relaxed. I used to exercise for an hour in the morning, go home and cook a meal, then work 8 hours. I always felt tired and stressed from pushing myself so hard.

I miss the exercise, especially the social and fun aspects of it, but I don't miss the injuries, muscle aches and pains and the feeling of being stressed or rushed. Just having a daily walk has helped me maintain my weight, and I feel much more at peace because I have time to smell the roses. People tell me I'll get back into fitness and sport after the surgery, but I don't know if I want to work that hard again. Exercise became a bit of an obsession for me - a bit addictive. It's nice to not be compelled to do something, or feel agitated because you don't get your "fix". I mean, I ignored my symptoms for months, if not years, and if I'd kept going at that pace I probably would have died!

I've been given the rehab programme by the hospital and I think it's aimed at elderly people, or people whose health has been compromised for a long time. I'm hoping to get back to work in 6 - 8 weeks after the surgery, but if I followed their programme I wouldn't get back for 5 or 6 months!! I think I'll have to be guided more by the surgeon as to how fast I can get back to normal activity. It will be hard to slow down to nothing! I start at the cardiac rehab officially after 4 weeks, and I'm looking forward to that. It'll be nice to get back into exercise, and it will be supervised so it'll cut down on the fear of overdoing it.

I don't think "why me?" - why has this happened to me, of all the family. I was the one who looked after myself. I think "why not me?". I'm the one in the family who is best equipped to deal with open heart surgery. The thing is, they could all have this too and not know it. The symptoms are pretty subtle and doctors don't seem to pick up on them. Plus you can live for years with an ASD and not know it till you're in your 40's, 50's or 60's. I really hope none of them have it as well - imagine a whole generation or even multiple generations who have to go through open heart surgery. Scary thought. When I'm through all of this I'll have to look into getting my sons tested - the older one had a heart murmur at birth which went away and then he had a different heart murmur, so he could have heart problems. But by the time they start causing him difficulties medicine will have advanced so far that he probably won't need open heart surgery.

My philosophy on life is that we're on a journey, life is a learning experience. I was always a bit of a control freak, but I've had to let go of all control - so much of this is out of my control anyway so why try and manipulate the situation? I just leave it in God's hands and let everything unfold as it is meant to be. I just have to trust that He knows what He's doing, and that everything will turn out OK for me and my family. That has given me peace of mind and allowed me to go with the flow - life is so much better this way.

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